


Gandalf's Inhaler

by graspthesanity



Category: Arctic Monkeys, Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Cheating, Homophobia, M/M, Student Miles, Teacher Alex, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-09-22 01:54:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9576998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graspthesanity/pseuds/graspthesanity
Summary: A homophobic teacher forces Miles to repeat a grade. He finds comfort in his new teacher Alex after a happy accident, which sparks a secret which one too many people know about.





	1. Chapter 1

It’s funny how there is a table between us, a barrier

And there is.

I’m not sure he noticed it.

But I sure did and we keep drinking the remaining coffee and I see how my mother sees him within me. We don’t look identical, I just look like the next generation or maybe how he’d look like in this age with my Converse. I don’t think he’d ever wear them.

The reason why I had to transfer is not in anyone’s thoughts, some bad explanation was told and making a person come out is frankly illegal.

So I’m behind a year and dad doesn’t question why I don’t have a girlfriend and all the pride shirts are tucked away. Matt helps me get all the room tucked in to look as if I am a straight bloke and he even gets me a poster of a half naked lady which I want to put holes in with my cigarette.

Matt had always been here, I don’t know why I ever tried something which was rumored to be homophobic.

Matt is blowing bubbles as I wake up from a hangover the next morning and he is taking the piss, as all I hear is my ringing ears.

Maybe there should be no fear in coming out, who knows?

I’m not ready to shatter a dream which my parents hold, both of them on different sides of the barricade.

Everyone is in their own barricade, both mom and dad with their own lovers. I had left nearly after they had both broken it off.

To dad I’m sure I look like mom and I feel like I’m still nostalgia left which is unwanted. I had told Matt about it and I raise the topic again, waking up to the naked lady poster fully and I yank her off, Matt not commenting that I had ripped her in half.

We turn off the smoke detector both striking a cigarette each, putting cloth under the door so that the smoke doesn’t try to spread. Matt joins me, even if he can’t take my worries on his own shoulders.

Biology is dreadful, the whole memory that I had been tortured there, made me wonder if I could ever do biology again and I walk in, to see students and now I don’t even dare to wear a rainbow pin or talk about gay rights if someone asks again if homosexuality is real.

I heard last year that gays had XXY. And we’re supposed to be civil and accepting.

If we were this would have never happened, trans women wouldn’t be called men and lesbians wouldn’t be called straight.

There’s too many of us and too many who are scarred for life who threaten us with their own fears.

I’ve heard a lot before even entering this squeaky clean classroom, like the rumors, being in a boarding school makes rumors more intense as everyone starts knowing everyone and pretty much the same joint gets passed around with no one telling anyone, coz well, you live under the same roof.

So I’ve heard about the other teacher who seems to be hitting on Mr. Turner, I had seen her in the morning with her puffy lips and long brown hair. She gave me shivers, of course being gay, women give me shivers sometimes, because I am expected to be jerking off to them, when I don’t.

And women like Miss Vanderberg creep me out, every single blind date I’ve had were will similiar air headed women who would talk about how much they had wanted to be actresses and they are the ones blokes go for, blindly, because they’re so stupid they can be blend easily into the background.

So it feels awful already with Biology and I know that there’s this horror of a gender, some say they even had sex and they had seen Mr. Turner buy condoms in Boots, but we’re not really allowed outside too often, so out of fear if you sneaked out, I’m sure Harry Potter would look like Mr. Turner in fear of getting caught.

I press my head against the table, knowing that Matt is not here and I can’t really make friends, Matt somehow still standing me.

People said Mr. Turner is fucking gorgeous, he’s supposedly one of those teachers students go stalking in the back and bang on his office door. He is good looking but he looks fucking lost, putting on a lab coat and looking at the ceiling for a bit.

He is attractive, but he looks horribly lost and stares at the clock waiting for the exact second before he turns around to all of us and starts talking flicking his own text book open, which looks relatively new.

“So how was everyone’s weekend?” Turner asks, standing up again and turning on the computer to get the slides up.

Summer which was too long and stretched into autumn involved putting a paper bag over my head and having paranoia about getting myself revealed. I kept texting Matt all the time and discussing numerous men I’ve found hot, trying not to talk to anyone from my previous college, everyone is homophobic anyway and I didn’t want to think of it, anyway.

I felt as if I was crawling up the walls, everyone besides Matt not following what the fuck was going on with all the complaints and I’ve never felt like screaming that I’m gay to all my relatives as they pass the salad around in circles until it’s gone and everyone asks me when the hell I’m I going to get a girlfriend and that I should stop being picky.

I even managed to go to Matt’s for the weekend and I slept on the floor, him actually watching Velvet Goldmine with me.

It had been torturous and I wondered if I should be open, sometimes I’d have conversations with myself if I can be openly gay or not.

I wonder if he has people who keep knocking on his office door while he drinks his coffee or arranges the organs right into the plastic body. I wonder how many girls do this and if guys do it as well.

I wonder who else is openly gay here.

I look behind me, as he starts talking about the human cell. I don’t remember anything and frankly the fact that I failed bummed out all my memories of biology and made me wonder if I’m actually crap and when he asks simple questions about the membrane, why is a fluid mosaic

All I think of

Is that I had that question and it freaked the shit out of me, coz I was ready for some other crap, not the damn fluid mosaic which I flicked through. Shouldn’t they have asked about something else like the Citric Cycle and that nothing which was done an accent on, didn’t appear.

It was all fucked up.

And I keep blaming myself coz-

I ended up paranoid through out the entire lesson.

“You ok?” Turner asks me, as everyone leaves and I’m still sticking my stuff into my bag. He sees that I’m silent and I’m sure I’m pretty pale and knackered. Why did I even take Biology again? “I mean, you did transfer rather late. If you need anything, just poke me.”

My mouth goes dry.

Do I say I was bullied by my previous teacher? Do I say something was fucking fishy in the entire thing and all the foreigners failed?

I feel guilty coz in the eyes of the government I am the bloody culprit and so in the eyes of education, I am no one, so I am the culprit.

“Yeah, sorry about that-” I don’t know what else to say. Maybe I should’ve worn my pin again or some bizarre ear stud. I don’t know. I really don’t.

I feel awfully stuck and I wish I hadn’t taken biology. I don’t know what to tell him. Instead I just smile and he starts picking up all the scattered pencils. I wonder what lead him to be a teacher, he looks too young and it’s as if it doesn’t match him, I could see him being a GP though only he’s missing the wedding ring and the expected face.

I even dropped the complaint with no one caring about homophobia or the racism all foreign students received. I’m not even sure I’ll even like Mr. Turner. I mean, how can I know who is a homophobe and who isn’t?

How can I know who voted Cameron and who didn’t?

Not unless they tell me the truth and that fucking scares me, if I’m scared to come out to my own fucking family, of course I’ll be scared to come out to the fucking world.

“Yeah, I know, I transferred late.” I say, I just pop the water balloon in my hand, letting the water slip away. “I have a bunch of homophobic incidents.”

Turner’s shoulders tense up and he turns around from the back of the class, surprised.

“Which college was that?” I tell him the name and he looks at me shocked, not saying anything. He goes back to the front of the class, sits down and looks at the ceiling.

“Don’t worry, I promise you, I won’t go bullying students. I mean, technically that would be bullying myself.” He smirks and I just stare at him. All my body is still shaking from all the stress, the thoughts, the blame, the guilt even putting the ink in my head and I look at him. He doesn’t look too gay, I mean, he doesn’t look gay, maybe if I concentrated a lot, maybe my gaydar would pick him up, but it doesn’t. Maybe he’s bi or something?

“But that’s fucking shocking, didn’t they get like an award or something?” Turner continues asking me and I just shrug with my shoulders, wanting to leave and cry. I always feel guilty and it fucking kills me.

“F- Ah, screw them, you’ll be fine here, I promise you. Miles, right?” Turner asks me and stands up to pat me on the shoulder. I quickly glance at his dark brown eyes, they resemble mine a bit, well, we’ve both got a common dark colour and I nod, really wanting to get out.

As soon as I get out, thanking him I head outside behind the school, not even glancing if there’s anyone and I light a cigarette before starting to cry, he’s just a damn teacher and well, I’ve got no guarantee he won’t keep his word and anyone can lie about being gay or bi, so there.

I’m a fucking moron.

I don’t call Matt, knowing that he’s tired of listening to this, I think everyone is.


	2. Chapter 2

The wound still remains open and biology is still awkward but I start enjoying it, listening to Turner tell everything and actually prepare us for the exams, give us essays and I end up reading the material again, paranoid of failing again even if I know it hadn’t been my fault if the entire class damn failed.

But it’s hard to convince yourself when the whole damn world is against you, telling you that you’re the faggot and that it’s your damn fault and fucking kill yourself or erase yourself, if you jump of the bridge you’ll finally give space for the traditional family.

Matt sees me combing my beard.

“Why couldn’t you just choose a fucking hobbit?” He asks me as I keep combing my beard. If I score a shag, this will be awkward and Matt’s girlfriend helped me put up the robe and we agreed to go as a trio, even if she’s dressed as a Barbie, I forgot which one. She forced all of us to watch Mean Girls with her, Matt nearly falling asleep and I kept asking myself why do I have to watch this?

Matt took the piss and is wearing a red wig to be Lindsay Lohan. So it’s Lindsay Lohan, Gandalf and a random Barbie. And we walked in all holding hands, as if we were about to go into a crowd and get lost if we wouldn’t act like we are in kindergarden. I am getting better and I have no desire to keep poking the college for an excuse and it’s been months now. Fucking hell.

I get Matt’s flask and I don’t know who is a teacher here, as everyone is in different masks from Leo DiCaprio to Wills and Barack Obama. The music is expectably bad and it’s starting to get on my nerves until I feel a hand on my shoulder.

Fuck.

I turn around.

I get invited to dance by a bloke. Well, I’m nearly sure it’s a bloke and I give him the flask and he stares at it for a while. I guess it’s a kiss through the alcohol.

I look at the peculiar Spider Man outfit and I wonder who the fuck it will be and frankly I don’t think I’m recognizable as Gandalf, I mean, I was figuring who the fuck should I dress up as and I liked Lord of the Rings and well, being gay I figured might join those two together and here I am. Could’ve been Ian McKellan on Gay Pride, that’s also an artistic outfit. All I’d need is a car and Matt’s busy being Lindsay.

“I know who you are.” Gets whispered in my ear.

Grand, fuck you, Matt for telling about my outfit.

I wonder if I’m the only Gandalf though, I mean, he is popular, I mean, I don’t think we’d have another Lindsay. Matt’s choice of Lindsay was literally done by one night, all he needed was a wig and the clothes were leant from Breana.

I really want to reply “oh yeah?” but before I can I get dragged deeper onto the dancefloor and I get pulled into a tight dance.

Fucking hell, who the fuck are you?

And I am sure that person seems to be attracted to me and I ruffle all the males I know who might come dressed up as Spider Man and I can’t think of anyone, but they could’ve mistaken me for any of the Gandalfs, as I see another three dancing in a circle, but I don’t want to tell him and I see dark eyes.

His hands are on my waist and he drags me out of the dancefloor into the changing rooms. I see a key and he unlocks a room. How the fuck?

Does someone want me that badly, but I don’t say anything, wondering if the key was won in a game of poker with the PE teacher or if it was stolen, but before I can say anything I am pulled in and there’s different colours coming from the small window before I can see him pull his mask off, pull my beard down and pull me into a kiss.

My heart stops and my whole body breaks into numerous pieces, I registered the face, but my mind is telling me something else and we kiss, I wonder too much

He pulls away

And we both register who the fuck each other is.

“FUCK!” Turner exclaims and I just stare at my Biology teacher and he just stands there, mask now on the floor and he just stares at me. I’m surely the wrong Gandalf, as always. But then I wasn’t expecting Turner either. I pull my beard back up and I push the door open, before he pulls me back.

“I’m sorry, fuck, I’m so sorry, Ezra told me he’ll be Gandalf and I figured-” He starts exclaiming, scared, voice trembling.

“There are four Gandalfs today, you twat.” I say, we’re on the same level and frankly he is in more trouble than I am. I’m not the one who goes on kissing random Spider Men. He starts biting his nails and he doesn’t look like he’s done it before.

“You had a flask.”

“I do.” And I hand him the gold flask as he starts emptying the contents and I can’t help but start laughing before I pull the flask from him. I take a sip from whatever alcohol Matt happened to sneak in.

“I thought you were saying you’re gay to cheer me up, man.” I can’t help but find this awfully ridiculous and well, I did get a kiss and frankly Turner is attractive. It’s just to damn funny and I feel like I started laughing for the first time in months, recalling how I had managed to lose my luggage on the train station, how Matt had bought the wrong condoms and asked me if he could return him while being passed out drunk, Breana accidentally dying her eyebrows blue and saying that her life is ruined, the whole commotion about finding a tampon in some teacher’s bag

I can’t stop laughing

My teacher mistook me for someone else

I really couldn’t stop laughing until I see Turner look at me

The lighting went dimmer

I feel like we both stopped breathing and he kisses me again.

I pull him closer, ruffling his hair as he discards my plagiarized beard and I realize how thin his costume outfit is, as if he had sneaked it from a sex shop

I think he’s drunk

Maybe he thinks I’m drunk

What I really think is that neither of us are drunk.

Who the fuck is Ezra?

My hands are itching to wonder on his body and I’m sure that so are his, but we don’t, as if we are still in our costumes and panic seems to reach my body but not my lips and my hands which pull him closer and he goes on top of me, both of us making out on the narrow benches.

What the fuck am I doing?

We stop breathless and I don’t know what to say and I’m sure neither does he.

We empty the rest of the flask.

Both me and Turner just sit there.

“You do realize you can’t tell anyone, right?” Turner says, ruffling his hair and I want to kiss his cheek. I just nod.

I’m telling Matt anyway. I won’t hold and pretty much telling Matt is like writing a letter and then burning it.

I just turn to look at him.

I wonder how old he is and frankly I just knew him as Mr. Turner, who had asked me if I was ok and told me what to reread and helped me with genetics. He was just as the other teachers, just that I had told him about what had happened-

No, enough, no more thinking, they reply, grand, they don’t, I’ll complain when I’ll have my piece of mind and settlement.

I wonder if Turner only remembers me as that as well, the gay guy.

My biology teacher laughs to himself for a while, maybe realizing that you should talk to the Gandalf before you make out with them?

“I’m Alex.” He says, maybe he’ll just be friendly today. “I know that you’re Miles.”

“Ah.” We both laugh and I feel anxious just by recalling but I look at Alex and grin. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell.”

And Alex stands up.

“You gonna look for Ezra then?” I ask him.

He turns around.

My heart stops.

Would this be the tingling feeling at the first sight, when I see him in a red Spider Man costume in the dim light with someone smoking weed outside?

I kind of want to say that he’s found his Ezra, but instead he puts on the mask again and pulls the beard back on me as I sit there, frozen, wanting him to kiss me again.

“C’mon.” He says and he opens the door to the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based on my own experiences with unjust education and homophobia. 
> 
> It's still pretty painful to visit this old story of mine, but decided to give it a new life on ao3. I wrote it many years ago to heal myself from the pain and give myself some hope.


End file.
